Bleh

That is how I have felt the last couple of days. Don't want to get up, don't want to do anything. I've been forcing myself to move and do things but it seems all I really want to do is sleep or just lay down. I've been having trouble breathing sometimes, it's more anxiety than anything else, it usually only shows up when I start thinking about going back to work. I have myself all worked up about having to go back to a regular job and it's stupid, just plain stupid. We need the money to pay bills. Yeah, the big things are caught up but there are still the little things like power, phone, you know, insurance for the cars, inspections for the cars...... I just get tired and headachy thinking about it and I have to do something about this. The Family Counseling center already called back Friday afternoon but I wasn't home so I have to call them on Monday to set up my first appointment. Maybe I can get her to do the same time as Melissa's so I won't just be sitting there being bored to sleep.

My sleeping habits are horrible, I sleep half the day away, can't sleep at night, always was a night owl, should find a graveyard job again, less people to deal with. That's another thing, I'm finding I want less and less to deal with the general public unless I really have to, ya know? I want it to be more on my terms then some policy set by some home office. Oh well, can't always have what you want, right? I think that is the part that sucks the most, you end up doing stuff you hate to pay the bills and by the time you can do the stuff you really want, there isn't any real time left to enjoy it. Oh well, such is life, this too shall pass.

Deannda