I write this with tears in my eyes
So if there are a lot of mistakes, tough.
Melissa is in the hospital as I type this. She has been there since Friday night. She had another episode after school on Friday and threatened to run away, take her sister with her and then to kill herself again. Terry didn't want to believe me until I called her outside and he pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket. They wouldn't have done her any good but she didn't care, she just wanted it all to end. What a place to be. I know that place, having been there myself once. It's a frightening, lonely place where you think no one else cares, no one else would miss you and everyone would be better off if you just weren't around. So I took her to the hospital emergency room and they admitted her. She is there until at least Monday, Tuesday at the latest at which time she will be transferred to a facility that has a juvinile facility that can handle the situation. I feel like crap. I spent the night at the hospital with her last night. Slept on a cot and this morning it was like nothing happened. But something is happening and it's not always a good thing so stay she must and get the help she needs. The good part is that she knows she needs help. She told me she's scared and we cried for a bit about the whole situation but she asked for help this time, so that's a step in the right direction, right?
I can't stay with her all the time for obvious reasons, two of them being James and Ellie. They need me too. The sucky part is I was going to start looking for a job to bring in money to make those ends meet that would start when school got out so Melissa would be home to watch Ellie and James but now............... I just don't know how much longer we can keep up the charade around here. We've managed to get by for three years now but it's getting tougher and tougher, especially with the economy the way it is. But you know what? I really don't care about the bills and crap anymore, they want the house, they can have it. They want the cars? They can have them too. All I want is my daughter back, healthy, happy and whole again. Nothing else matters anymore, nothing.
Deannda
Melissa is in the hospital as I type this. She has been there since Friday night. She had another episode after school on Friday and threatened to run away, take her sister with her and then to kill herself again. Terry didn't want to believe me until I called her outside and he pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket. They wouldn't have done her any good but she didn't care, she just wanted it all to end. What a place to be. I know that place, having been there myself once. It's a frightening, lonely place where you think no one else cares, no one else would miss you and everyone would be better off if you just weren't around. So I took her to the hospital emergency room and they admitted her. She is there until at least Monday, Tuesday at the latest at which time she will be transferred to a facility that has a juvinile facility that can handle the situation. I feel like crap. I spent the night at the hospital with her last night. Slept on a cot and this morning it was like nothing happened. But something is happening and it's not always a good thing so stay she must and get the help she needs. The good part is that she knows she needs help. She told me she's scared and we cried for a bit about the whole situation but she asked for help this time, so that's a step in the right direction, right?
I can't stay with her all the time for obvious reasons, two of them being James and Ellie. They need me too. The sucky part is I was going to start looking for a job to bring in money to make those ends meet that would start when school got out so Melissa would be home to watch Ellie and James but now............... I just don't know how much longer we can keep up the charade around here. We've managed to get by for three years now but it's getting tougher and tougher, especially with the economy the way it is. But you know what? I really don't care about the bills and crap anymore, they want the house, they can have it. They want the cars? They can have them too. All I want is my daughter back, healthy, happy and whole again. Nothing else matters anymore, nothing.
Deannda
posted by Musings of a Mad Woman at 12:28 AM
1 Comments:
Hold on tight, Deannda...you may think this is the end of your rope but you know what? This is when you dig deep and tell the world to screw off and you take care of business. Melissa needs you as a mom and as a role model right now, and getting her the help she needs and has asked for is the first step. Ellie and James will be OK, even if you're not spending as much time with them right now. Kids inherently understand what's going on, and they're very resilient. Don't let mom guilt creep in.
Make sure whatever treatment facility that Melissa is referred to is open and honest with you about her treatment plan and don't be afraid to ask questions. Be as involved as they allow you to be. I have a lot of experiences with psych facilities and if you have a question or concern, don't be afraid to ask them during her intake interview. If you have specific questions or concerns that I can help you with, please ask. I'm a certified school counselor and am fairly familiar with this kind of situation.
Hugs and love to you and your family. Tell Melissa to hang in there. The roller coaster ride is scary, but once she finally steps off the ride, she can look back and realize how strong she is for surviving it. :)
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