And the van is at the garage

And he called me to tell me that I had a nail in one tire and it would need to be repaired.

Okay, here is the conversation pretty much as I remember it:

"Hello?" I said with trepidation as we have caller ID so I knew it was the garage.

"Hi! Bill here!"

"HI! I take it you got my van!?"

"Yes I did and you have a nail in the front right tire, did you know that?"

"No, I did not, didn't even notice it was flat when I went out this morning to leave the key in it for the tow truck."

"You didn't notice it?"

"I don't usually look at those things honestly."

"Well my guy wanted to know if he should fix it right away but I told him to wait until we talked about the rest of the van but you probably would want if fixed since those are new tires."

"Oh yeah, we just got those from you."

"So do you want to hear the rest of the news?"

"I don't know, do I?" I said with even more trepidation.

"Well, the tow cost $49 and it is a cracked axle. The part for that is ........" (I honestly didn't hear a lot after this because I was so thrilled that it wasn't the transmission which could have been $2000 easily.) "and labor will be $59.45 so your total will be $279.45, you want us to go ahead and fix it?"

"YES!!!!!" I practically shouted into the phone. You cannot begin to imagine the relief I felt as I listened to him talk. Unreal relief. I had enough money coming tomorrow to pay up the mortgage, fix BOTH cars, catch up or pay off a few other bills AND have some left over to help until I could find a job, which I really didn't want to do until after school was out so this works out very well in the end. Maybe God was listening this time, who knows but I do know that a tremendous weight has been lifted off my chest.

Friday I go for an evaluation at the Counseling services and hopefully finally get the right diagnose when it comes to my mental state. Tomorrow Melissa gets her eyes checked to see if she might need reading glasses and next week I take to the doctor at the counseling place about her meds. They make her sleepy all the time, that just won't work especially when it comes to school and if she's going to be helping out this summer watching James while I'm working.

So right now, things are going better. Life is slowly getting back to some sense of normal, if there is such a thing as normal and starting to calm down again.

Oh and I talked to the brother of the woman who was bugging me, he tried telling me I had to deal with her. I let him know that was not an option since she would not even talk to me that he had to talk to her. I remained amazingly calm during the entire conversation and finally let him know that if she didn't quit causing trouble every single time she came down here that I was going to halt any and all work on the outside of the house, little as it is right now and would be sorely tempted to find some really bright neon colors to paint it with. We are the ones who live here and have to get along, not her and it's his responsiblity to make sure she understands that, not mine. He was really listening to me at that point.

Deannda
I would never do it but he doesn't know that

Well one car is running and moving

We managed to get Terry's car running. The price was more than I wanted to pay but when you have no vehicle.......... the past weekend was spent mostly in my sister-in-law's car running her and Terry back and forth to work with a little sleep in between. She works graveyards and he works days, FUN!

But we ended up taking money from Terry's 401K plan to pay for the repairs to his car, catch up the mortgage and hopefully fix my van as well. :( It's not a loan on the plan, so we did get hit with early withdrawel penalties and such but there's enough left over to cover the repairs and play catch up and there is still a nice chunk left in the plan.

Now I have to run out to Walmart, call the tow truck and be there when they come so I can give them the key and such. Then James and I are going to come home and veg out for the rest of the day. I pushed myself yesterday with cleaning and walking and my back is telling me NOT to do the same thing today! :(

Deannda

You know the saying

If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all...................?

Yep, that's me. My entire life can be traced around that saying with the exception of 4 times. The day I got married and each day I had one of my children. Those are the best days of my life, the rest of it?

It sucks sometimes, really sucks. I know some people have better luck and some people will tell you have to make your own luck, well short of robbing a bank, winning the lottery or suddenly becoming the heir to a rich aunt/uncle I did not know about, my luck will never change. And this month it all seems to be crashing down around me. Between Melissa being in the hospital, Terry's car dead (the alternator or battery, we aren't sure yet), the mortgage being behind (we are waiting for a letter from the company to send to Terry's 401K company to get that out), my back hurting like hell everytime I move wrong and now my car is dead.

It has been making a funny noise everytime your turned a corner and I was going to take it in Tuesday to have it checked but it didn't make it that far. It is now sitting in the Walmart Parking Lot, waiting to be towed to shop to find out what is wrong with it. We are without transportation completely. To bad I can't combine the two cars, mine runs but won't move and Terry's moves but won't run.

Some people will tell you that everything happens for a reason, that God never puts more on your plate than you can handle and despite what happened today I didn't lose it, I didn't go ballistic, I remained calm and composed, called Terry who did go slightly ballistic, then got a ride for us back home (of course I had all the kids and two of Melissa's friend with me). By that time Terry had gotten ahold of his sister who will loan us her car, I will take her to work tonight, take Terry to work in the morning, pick her up in the morning and then pick Terry up tomorrow afternoon. This will happen until Tuesday and we can get at least one of the cars to the garage to have it checked and fixed. Have to have at least one running so Terry can get back and forth to work, though he's ready to quit, he's so fustrated. It seems the harder we try, the further behind we get.

Well, all I can say about God right now is this:

"ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! GOOD LORD MAN!!!! I AM ONLY HUMAN!!!! I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE ON MY PLATE!!!!!! IT IS OVERFLOWING!!!!! I GAINED 3 POUNDS FROM ALL THE STUFF YOU PILED ON!!!!!! YOU HAVE HAD YOUR LAUGH AT MY EXPENSE BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!"

Okay, there, I feel better! Okay, not really but hey, anything to let off the pressure, right? I do have to add that I know how blessed I truly am and I do appreciate everything I have, I mean I could have NOTHING, right? But it just gets so darn fustrating! But this is another reason I try not to bitch and moan too much. I'm still one of the luckier people.

Deannda
Carless in New York

I have so had it with this woman

Today I had a visit from the Police Department. It would seem one of my neighbors called to complain about my barking dogs outside. Told them that the dogs were constantly barking and that when she tried to talk to me about it I slammed the door in her face. EXCUSE ME?!?!?!? She never came in my yard that I know of!

Turns out that what she did was that She WALKED OVER INTO MY FRONT YARD, which set the dogs off to start with (any stranger comes onto the property, they bark) and then called the police and complained! Now, of course when the police officer came up on the property, they barked, THAT IS WHAT THEY DO!!! So I went outside to have a "chat" with this woman. The thing that bothers me is that she doesn't even live in this neighborhood, she lives 4 blocks away! It's her mother and brother who live across the street from me! I mentioned this and said, "You don't even live here, why are you complaining?"

"My mother is bothered by the barking!"

"Then your MOTHER should be filing the compliant, NOT YOU! You are only mad at me because I called the cops on your running PUPPIES last year, the ones I ALMOST RAN OVER because you were letting them run loose all over the place! I offered to help you find a place for them to run and you kicked me off your property! So if your MOTHER has a problem with my dogs, then let her file the complaint!"

"She's 88 years old!"

"SO?"

"Well, she asked me to call for her!"

"Yeah, right!"

She's trying to tell the officer that I had dog fighting in my back yard! I told her they were playing! They always sound rough but neither dog is getting hurt! Then she tells him that the kennel is to small for them! WHAT KENNEL??? I have a fenced in back yard, a nice big yard that Haley has full run of and Vinnie is on a leash, a 25 foot leash that is attached to a tree in the middle of the side yard so he has access to a large area as well.

I was furious to say the least. I have so had it with this woman. And shortly before the cop separated us I told her, "You want a war? I will give you a war! I will paint my house hot pink with purple trim! We'll see what your brother has to say about that! We are here to stay, but if you want to fight, I'm in!"

She backed off a bit after that though. Her brother puts a lot of effort and time into keeping his mother's house looking very nice and is very active about "encouraging" (for lack of a better word without sounding rude) the rest of the neighbors to do the same so the value of that house remains high. I have had disputes with him the past but we've always worked them out, I've gotten him the tools to help keep cats and other dogs off his property, helped him clean out his garden of cat and dog excrement as a show of good will and pretty much left him alone otherwise. The sister on the other hand, whenever she is over this way is always causing trouble, talking to the neighbors about each other, she used to try to get me to talk about the black family that moved in next door to me and about my other neighbor who is of Spanish or Mexican origin. She's an extremely prejudice woman and once you cross her......... Well, I knew I would pay for the call about the puppies but it was worth it if the dogs got better treatment than running all over her neighborhood, pooping on other people's yards and possibly getting hit.

Terry is going to have a talk with the brother and if he doesn't get her to back off I mean it, I'll start painting the outside of this house with all the wild, nasty colors I can find and he won't be able to do a thing about it. It will give me someplace to direct my energy.

Deannda
She is messing with the wrong person, at the wrong time, I have a lot of anger over other things that is just begging to be misdirected at someone............

MY BABY IS HOME!!!!

We just got back from picking up Melissa! YEAH! I talked to the doctor earlier and he was going to release her in the morning and I said, "NO!!!! I DON'T HAVE A CAR IN THE MORNING!" So he pushed the paperwork through and we were able to pick her up tonight. She has no restrictions as far as physical stuff and we talked a bit before leaving. He has her on Depakote for bipolar, though not extreme it is there enough to make things tougher for her. He also has her on Abilify for her tendency to escape this world and not want to come back, harder to explain. But it's when she swears she didn't do something even though you saw her do it and she'll still try to blame someone else.

While she was gone I managed to snag a FREE Day Bed for her room, she's always wanted one. I also cleaned her room and got the last of my stuff out of there, it was my office before. She was so thrilled when she opened her eyes and saw it! :) AND Haley, her dog? THRILLED THAT HER MOMMY IS HOMEEEEEEE!!!!

So my baby is home, where she belongs. Ellie even tried pushing a few buttons and she didn't react to them at all. I know it's still going to be tough sometimes but the most important thing is my baby is back! ;)

Deannda
And practicing her flute like mad, she has a concert on Wednesday! :)

This was Melissa 15 days ago. This was staged for an online Picture Challenge. Hours after this shot was taken she was taken to the hospital because she had threatened to kill herself again. 

I just got home

From the hospital. They found a facility for Melissa, it's in Pennsylvania, about 30 minutes away but they couldn't take her until she was 14 so they did the transfer at midnight just as she turned 14. It took them several hours to process her though because they had quite a few emergencies.

I'm so tired and I haven't really cried yet because I still have to be strong for Ellie and James. Trenna went with me so I wasn't alone when I had to walk onto the elevator and say goodbye to my baby. As I sit here the tears are starting to come as I realize just once again how proud I am of her and that she's willing to get the help she needs and she signed herself in. You can do that in PA once you turn 14, you have the power to sign yourself in and ask for the help. She did so willingly and with a bit of hope though she was really down about this all happening on her birthday. But I have a BIG favor to ask you, my friends and family. If you could contact me via Email I would so appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to send a card along to Melissa. I can send you the address. She will be there at least 5 days so plenty of time to get it to her. Or send it to me and I'll take them to her. It would mean so much to her if she could get a TON of cards for her birthday and such. Just click on my profile and zip me an email and I'll send you the address.

Thank you all so much for your support during this difficult time.

Love to all.

Deannda

I write this with tears in my eyes

So if there are a lot of mistakes, tough.

Melissa is in the hospital as I type this. She has been there since Friday night. She had another episode after school on Friday and threatened to run away, take her sister with her and then to kill herself again. Terry didn't want to believe me until I called her outside and he pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket. They wouldn't have done her any good but she didn't care, she just wanted it all to end. What a place to be. I know that place, having been there myself once. It's a frightening, lonely place where you think no one else cares, no one else would miss you and everyone would be better off if you just weren't around. So I took her to the hospital emergency room and they admitted her. She is there until at least Monday, Tuesday at the latest at which time she will be transferred to a facility that has a juvinile facility that can handle the situation. I feel like crap. I spent the night at the hospital with her last night. Slept on a cot and this morning it was like nothing happened. But something is happening and it's not always a good thing so stay she must and get the help she needs. The good part is that she knows she needs help. She told me she's scared and we cried for a bit about the whole situation but she asked for help this time, so that's a step in the right direction, right?

I can't stay with her all the time for obvious reasons, two of them being James and Ellie. They need me too. The sucky part is I was going to start looking for a job to bring in money to make those ends meet that would start when school got out so Melissa would be home to watch Ellie and James but now............... I just don't know how much longer we can keep up the charade around here. We've managed to get by for three years now but it's getting tougher and tougher, especially with the economy the way it is. But you know what? I really don't care about the bills and crap anymore, they want the house, they can have it. They want the cars? They can have them too. All I want is my daughter back, healthy, happy and whole again. Nothing else matters anymore, nothing.

Deannda

Well, HELLO THERE!!

And how is the world treating all of you today? Me? Well, been better, been worse! I'm currently working on getting a ton of new fragrances up into my EBay store so I can start hopefully moving and selling those! Also have a job for the 28th of June, yeah! It's a get what I can at a street concert, centennial celebration type thing! :)

Melissa is getting ready for her big trip to NYC on the June 9th. She was supposed to sell the other set of raffle tickets to help defray the costs but never bothered taking them out of my van so I could push them like I did last time, the dork! So I went up today and paid for it, such fun. Like I have $50 to spare, just meant Paul nor Peter gets paid this week, only John, LOL! :)

I am finally done in court over the whole yard mess, thank goodness! It also cost me $50 in the end and I was told I was put on conditional discharge for one year meaning if I end up in court again within the next year I could go to jail. I told the judge, "Well sir, considering this is the first time I have EVER been in court in my life, no offense, but I hope to never see you again!" He laughed and smiled and agreed. :)

AS you can see from the pictures below, Ellie had a fun day today. Two hours of pampering at the Boces school, hair, make-up, nails. She looked like a princess, I hardly recognized her when she came out of school, LOL :) But of course this set Melissa off because Ellie is prettier, Ellie is nicer, you like Ellie more than you like me. *sigh* Good thing we had an appointment with the doctor today at the clinic. As it turns out Melissa has been put on a very low dose anti-anxiety medicine to help with the nerves and such. Yesterday at school the girl who has been bothering her made comments to others about hurting herself and someone finally had the courage to get the school police officer who finally convinced the girl's mother to get her some help, thank goodness again! But then Melissa started hearing rumors that it was all her fault and went into a deep depression right before lunch, so they pulled her out, took her to the principal's office where they had a nice long talk and then in a later period brought in the other girls who had been making Melissa feel bad and they all had a nice long talk. Melissa has found out that a lot of it was in her own mind, putting thoughts and words into other people's actions without talking to them, she has a habit of doing that. I told her that's great that she feels better but still be on her guard in that to confide personal stuff to people she really only feels she can trust. We had a bit of a breakthrough today, I'm glad to say.

Other than that, things are pretty darn okay at the Zoo, still tight on money, but lots of love and communication to make up for that! ;)

Love to all!

Deannda and the Zoo

Ben, LOL! You know who you are! :) 

Gettinig her to smile is a challenge but I think I found the secret word to get a smile out of her and that word is..... 

AS you can also see, it was VERY windy today! But no matter to my girl, she's still beautiful! 

As you can see, the hair is quite cute! She really liked it! 

Ellie after getting a mini-makeover today. She was chosen along with 9 other girls in the 5th grade. I hardly recognized my Tomboy! ;)